Fortwo Admire an' Fortwo See

I read the online edition of The New Yorker religiously, and my zealotry has not waned during my tenure in Europe. Thus am I fortunate enough to be able to bring to your attention the following article from last week's Talk of the Town. The Smart Fortwo, the little European coupe that could, made its first visit to New York recently, where it demonstrated many incredible feats including, but not limited to:

1. Cutting across three lanes of traffic without incident;
2. Occupying, via a perpindicular-to-street orientation, a mere THIRD of a standard New York parking space; and, certainly not least,
3. Deflecting a moving violation ticket from the NYPD

David Schembri, president of Smart USA, hopes to bring the little bugger to the States' major metropolitan areas in order to assuage traffic conditions.* The economists in my readership recognize this argument for the temporary fix it is -- an increased supply of driving space will simply be consumed by more drivers -- but the more assured upswing of the introduction of the Fortwo is that more cars will indeed fit in America's cities, which means more people will be able to drive, should they so desire.

I am not immediately certain what the total range of ramifications a full-scale invasion of Fortwos would have on American cities. The hassle of driving in places like New York and Los Angeles is a mainstay of modern American life, and I doubt that a single model, particularly one that makes the Mini Cooper look butch, will be able to change that.

The Fortwo does come in an electric model, which makes it an ideal purchase for the modern green consumer looking to decrease his carbon footprint. The electric model of the Fortwo is infamous in parts of Europe. When I lived in Austria, I heard it referred to as an "Ohne." This is a Wortspiel off the German system of bottled water; since many Germans and Austrians prefer their bottled water carbonated, one must always specify when ordering water whether one wants "mit" oder "ohne," with or without gas.

There is an additional joke that the "Ohne" is actually short for "Ohne Sex," since no man is going to pick up ladies in a Fortwo, let alone a whining electric version thereof that tops out at 45 mph. Such is the price we pay for saving the envrionment and maximizing parking space.

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*What a saint.