Daedalus on Shoestring Wings

RyanAir, one of Europe's budget airlines, ends every flight the same way: upon arrival, a bugle call plays over the intercom. I can only assume this is to awaken those lucky stragglers who slept through landing. Evidently, there are some among us who find being slammed around in RyanAir's Fisher-Price plastic seats comfortable.

After the RyanAir Reveille, a recorded message thanks the passengers for flying RyanAir, the "most on-time airline in Europe." Well, hoo-rah. I might be more excited were the record not so low. RyanAir maintains their number-one slot while still only arriving and departing punctually 90% of the time. Nor are they ashamed of this low bar. Indeed, they actually announce this percentile -- quite proudly -- during the message. When I first heard this statistic, I thought there was some kind of joke at work, or perhaps the captain was being ironic. Not so. RyanAir pronounces their A-minus record with the bald pride of a four-year-old hanging his first finger painting on the fridge.¹

I, on the other hand, was astounded by this paltry number. Remember: 90% on-time is the record. What does that say about the industry average? I've flown quite a bit over the last seven months. I can safely say it's generous to estimate that most European airlines are punctual 80% of the time. Imagine those kind of numbers in another industry. If you finished 80% of your assignments at work on time, how happy would your boss be? Would 90% make you the darling of the department?

I certainly recognize that airports are hectic places, and in a post-9/11 world² they have only become more so. But it's been over six years. One would think that extra security procedures would have been streamlined into the systems by now. Even more recent hiccups cannot account for one of every five planes being late. Surely these delays are not because people try to fly with hair gel?

While everyone gripes when delays affect them personally, Europeans do not seem flustered by delays in general. Thus I suspect delays are not some insurmountable difficulty that the airports and airlines cannot resolve. Rather, I think they see little reason to try. If customers aren't complaining, why should anyone else worry? For that matter, while RyanAir is certainly financially successful, they remain a niche supplier. They still have not expanded beyond their provision of bare-bones flights for low-budget travelers. Nor does there appear to be any evidence that wealthy frequent fliers flock to RyanAir and their counterparts for those low prices and timely transits.

So why have RyanAir's plastic planes not shot tardier providers clean out of the air? Simply put, it's probably because ameliorating delays would be expensive. If the airports can't manage the daily number of flights in a timely manner, they would either need 1) More staff, or 2) Less flights, both of which would probably mean lower profits.

Forgive me if this all sounds excessively fundamental. Though my degree says I studied at least some economics, my knowledge is cursory at best. My personal term for it is "Muppet Economics:" what I say may sound intelligent to the young and uninitiated, but to everyone else, it's clear I've got my hand up my ass.

And I know I lied about the Dvořák. It's forthcoming, I assure you.

--------

¹You know the one: the mix of yellow and blue splotches that are supposed to form a bird but are much more reminiscent of a primary-colored coffin with wings... a lot like a RyanAir jet in that way.

²Forgive me the use of this phrase. Usually, I think it shows a certain ignorance, a misperception that the world somehow became more dangerous on September 11, when truthfully we just became more aware of the danger that had been there all along. In discussing heightened airport security, however, I think the phrase is apt.

Also, I'm not running for office, so I think the phrase is less insidious when I use it.