"An English Teacher," from Bye Bye Dignity

I used to think I would make a pretty good teacher.

Germany has discharged me of such delusions.

A few days ago, I visited a German Gymnasium¹ to speak with a couple of upper-level English classes. I was invited on behalf of the American Consulate, which recruits young ex-pats living in the region for precisely this purpose. Two teachers at a Gymnasium outside of Bonn invited me to lead discussions with their students. The faculty at the school were all warm and welcoming, and their hospitality was greatly appreciated. Likewise, my first class greeted me with courtesy and enthusiasm. My second class flayed me by inches, but we'll come to that in good time.

Had my visit been solely for the purpose of mingling with faculty, it would have been a perfect day. They don't get many Americans at high schools in Bonn, let alone New Yorkers/Californians², and the English teachers loved the chance to converse with a native speaker. Most of the faculty's English was spot-on, with only the occasional lapses such as pronouncing obscure words like "escapism" as ESS-cəp-izm.³ Perhaps most pleasantly surprising was my encounter with the school principal. She gave me a bottle of Mumm extra-dry champagne as a token of hospitality. In the classooms, I carried it in my attaché to avoid looking unprofessional. Had I known how the second class would go, I would have carried it in my liver.

The first class was warm and enthusiastic. Upon my entry into their classroom, they all stood and greeted me in unison: "Good morning, Mr. Gallagher." It sounded like nothing so much as the way we used to say hello to the principal at my elementary school as a child. My reaction, therefore, was a mixture of flattery, confusion and horror. Fortunately, the experience was uphill from there. Our discussion principally revolved around American school life. The kids were engaged and curious, and they worked hard to speak solely in English, especially their questions. Oh Lord, their questions. I give you my favorites, chosen because 1) they sparked the most discussion amongst classmates, and 2) I think these questions induced the most learning.

--"Why are there metal detectors in American schools?"

This led to a great discussion about what kind of environments German schools offer, and how they are different from American schools.

--"Does every American boy play (American) football?"

I made it clear to the young gentleman asking this question that not every American male had my obvious athletic prowess.

--"Do American teenagers smoke?"

Less than you do, which is why they all have perfect teeth in the movies.

--"Do American teenagers have house parties, as depicted in the movies?"

Okay, I don't think I was using the word "depiction" in 10th grade, and English is my first language.

And my favorite:

--"Do all Americans wear their belts inside-out?"

Erm... no. Just me... and just today.

It was a memorable experience. And as you can see, their teacher took photos.



The second class was not so successful, though that is at least partially my fault. I had overreaching expectations for our time together. Our topic was the American Dream, and since I was speaking with a senior-level group, I had hoped for a somewhat theoretical discussion about modern capitalist life.⁴ As it turned out, I spent almost the full hour pulling teeth, cajoling the kids' jaws open long enough to admit they even had dreams at all. With that accomplished, I managed to move the discussion towards the role of society in the pursuit of our dreams, but only for a tragically brief period.

As class concluded, I thought I would be ending my day at its nadir. But afterwards, two students approached me. They said they had loved my talk. They wanted to know about my exchange program, and what other opportunities they might have for study abroad. I offered to send their teacher more information, and they were obviously elated.

I have a few friends who are teachers. I often feel shock when I realize I have peers my age who teach. Now, I am equally amazed at the task they take on every day. It is one thing to educate the engaged. It's another to reach students, to get them excited about learning and improving themselves. It's not my strength, inspiring teenagers. The experience is quite a rush, though.

Not as much of a rush as that champagne, but close.

--------

¹Not, as you probably first thought, some sort of fitness facility, but rather the German term for a general-education high school. These schools used to be places where youth was forged into brave German industry in the fires of adversity. Thank God that's over. These young people no longer endure an opressive hierarchy... at least, no more so than at any other high school.

²Through trial and error, I've learned that if I'm struggling to engage Germans in conversation, I need only fall back on my own story: where I'm from or where I went to school. New York and Los Angeles are mythic for some Europeans, and the farther from a major city you go, the more entranced the locals become. By the time I'm in farmland, I get questions like "So, is Tom Hanks tall in real life?"

³I've been hearing this slip a lot lately. Since Americans are such expert escapists, perhaps Europeans think of American escapism as some sort of political theory. That might explain the misplaced emphasis, e.g. COMmunism, SOCialism, EScapism.

⁴If pedantry determined one's salary, I'd be a billionaire by now.

Kölner Kirchen, Part One: The Dom

I have heard Cologne referred to as the City of Churches. The name is apt. Though Cologne began as a Roman colony, that age is most evident in the many Romanesque churches that overlook the streets. Sadly, there’s not much of the city's history to be seen besides the churches. Most of Cologne was bombed during World War II, and virtually all of the current urban landscape was built in the postwar reconstruction or thereafter. Many of the churches, however, survived the bombings. Those that were damaged underwent extensive and careful repairs, a process that went on into the 1990’s, and still goes on in occasional spot work today.

Since so much of Cologne’s remaining architectural history is tied up in these beautiful buildings, I thought I should give them some consideration here. And any discussion of Cologne’s architecture, history, or most anything else really, must begin with Cologne's Gothic cathedral, the Dom.

The cathedral, the center and symbol of the city, is simply called the Kölner Dom, or just “die Dom.” It is the tallest building in the city at 509 feet, and with the exception of a few skyscrapers that have sprung up outside the Altstadt, it towers over everything like a behemoth. The Dom can be seen from just about everywhere, and is often used as a directional guide, e.g. “Head towards the Dom, keep the Dom on your right, etc.”

The history of the Dom is well documented, and I would be doing little other than a disservice, were I to attempt to summarize it here. What I can say is that the building took 600 years to build, and its presence gives a unique character to the city. For instance, when I change lines on my morning commute, I rise out of the U-Bahn to a platform that faces the bridge across the Rhine. This bridge leads to Cologne's central station, which is directly next to the Dom. Thus, if one enters the city from the east side of the Rhine, then the Dom greets your entry.



The Dom is the second tallest church in Europe, and it just barely misses first. Students can climb the southern tower for just 1€, and from there one can see the entire city.



It’s worth the hike.













The interior of the church is also spectacular. Regrettably, the stained-glass windows were all destroyed in the war, but they were beautifully reconstructed… though they do incorporate the occasional oddity. This stained-glass window can be found on the western wall when entering the church. In the bottom right corner, there is a picture of the planet Saturn, a picture that very closely resembles the symbol of the popular German electronics store of the same name, which just happens to have an outlet directly outside the church.




The symbol...

...which can be seen on the store across from the cathedral, on the left side here.

The most difficult thing to explain about the Dom is its size. It is practically impossible to express the sheer physical presence of the cathedral in words and pictures. To give some scale, however, you'll note the two Kreuzblumen adorning the Dom's towers:














Here's a to-scale replica on the ground.

















Even that comparison does not do justice to the impression the Dom makes on visitors. After all, if pictures did the Dom justice, it probably wouldn't be the single most visited building in Europe. But as the Kölners would note, it's not like it's hard to find, either.

See what I mean?